Sunday, December 24, 2006

CAST THIS!: Speed Racer

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While Hollywood is supposedly a 'Godless' wasteland, they sure do take it easy during the Holiday season. Seriously, the place is at a stand still as far as news is concerned. Perhaps this is why AICN posted the following unsubstantiated rumor on the Washowski Brothers' upcoming Speed Racer film:

Now in the slate doc it showed clearly in capital letters the name of Keanu Reeves under the main title. Not only does this show that NEO (A.K.A Keanu) is reteaming with the Matrix team but seems to be the main role.

Keanu Reeves? Keanu 'Mr. Whoa' Reeves? Hopefully AICN's source was full of shit (that can certainly be the case). It's not that I think the Speed Racer franchise would require more from an actor than Keanu could handle, but I just don't see why they would cast him in the main role. He's just too old for the part. Plus, why pay him his usual salary when you could hire Speed Racer look-alike Tom Welling for way less money.

Let us compare:

A) Speed Racer
Wow, I'm a young man! Ha Ha!

B) Keanu Reeves
Dude, I am kinda old.

C) Tom Welling
Hmmm, looks like I'm just as young as the first guy.

From the pictures shown above, which two look the most alike? If your answers were A and B or B and C you need to lay off the inhalants.

Tom Welling would be the perfect person to cast in this role. He is already an employee of WB (the company behind the film), and I still kinda feel bad for the guy for being shit-canned with Superman Returns. He would probably do the film for less than half of what it would cost to hire Keanu, and he would do a good job.

At any rate, either actor would obviously be better than these guys:

While this looks like a real car, my mom is going to be picking me up.

I make Todd Solondz look sexy.

P.S. If the Washowskis STILL had to cast Keanu Reeves (perhaps as a good faith gesture for the Matrix sequels), maybe he could play this guy:

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