Reviews from the 'Boro (Volume 3)

I'm going to kick off this week's edition of Reviews from the 'Boro with Orson Scott Card's two weeks late write-up of The Simpson's Movie. Why? Because of Card's use of the words 'childish pizzle.'

Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself (SPOILERS!):

The writers of The Simpsons Movie get many of their laughs from irreverence or shock. (If you haven't seen the movie, but might, skip the rest of this paragraph.) For instance, there's the sequence where Homer dares his son Bart to skateboard naked to a fast-food joint. Bart takes the dare, but as he skateboards along, his genitals are constantly concealed behind a seemingly infinite array of strategically placed flora, fauna and signage. Until he comes to a tall hedge where the only part of him you can see is his crudely drawn childish pizzle. Offensive? Yes. Funny? I almost cried with laughter.

Because he is an open member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who writes for The Rhino, many Greensboroans peg Card as a stodgy, fuddy-duddy conservative. But anyone who has read his books and articles at great length will tell you this could not be further from the truth. Orson loves a good (and occasionally dirty) joke, and has told a fair share of them in his novels. Matter of fact, there is enough exposed childish pizzles in Ender's Game, that I have to wonder how accurate Warner Brothers will allow Card to be as he adapts his book into a motion picture.

As for Yes!Weekly's Glen Baity, while there were no childish pizzles to report of in The Bourne Ultimatum, he did have this to say:

Whether bounding over rooftops, riding motorcycles through European alleyways, or diving off 10-story buildings, The Bourne Ultimatum is never boring. At less than two hours, it's also a blazing quick ride. In a day and time when even mindless romantic comedies stretch past the 120-minute mark, it's good to see a director who gets in, makes his point and speeds off while you're still interested.

While he wrongly labelled it as the last major franchise film of the warmer months (Rush Hour 3 *cough, cough*), looks like Baity liked the third Bourne film a good deal. I liked it too. Damon's Jason Bourne is fast, and while the tired clichés of the story had almost caught up during this third intallment, I was glad to see both him and the trilogy get away unscathed. Here's hoping that Damon stays true to his word, and does not make another Bourne film again. If we learned nothing else from Star Wars it's that it's best to keep our really good trilogies pure.