Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Oscars - 2008

(7:29 p.m.) Barbara Walters is interviewing Ellen Page, and because they pre-taped it in HD, it's obvious someone has digitally blurred the wrinkles out of Walters'. Gu says at this point, they might as well add CGI dinosaurs in the background.

(7:33 p.m.) Walters just handed Page a guitar and made her sing "Anyone Else But You." Things were going well until Walters added her own 'Do-Do Da-Do-Do-Do's' at the end.

(7:39 p.m.) Contrary to Harrison Ford's belief, that earring makes him look older instead of the reverse. Seriously, that earring makes him look older than Fugitive co-star Tommy-Lee Jones. Age with some grace, Dr. Jones, age with some grace....

(7:57 p.m.) Beware the windswept witch in yellow.

(8:02 p.m.) George Clooney just old Regis Philbin he was better in Batman Robin than Michael Clayton. Very funny, but not as much as the extremely young girl on Clooney's arm. There wasn't even a mention of her name, she was just his hot date for the evening.

(8:06 p.m.) I really hate the red carpet part of the Oscars. Sure, most viewers just want to see the actors wear pretty tuxedos and dresses, but are the questions required to be so inane? Some 'reporter' just made herself the 1,000,000th person to call Juno the 'little indie that could.'

(8:12 p.m.) "If I ever get married, I want my wife to look as good at 60 as Helen Mirren does right now."
-My friend Pat

(8:18 p.m.) Regis just asked the Oscar ticket contest winner, "Are you guys excited about Miley Cyrus?" I mean I know she's at the Oscars, but does the excitement question imply she'll be performing? If so, why?

(8:21 p.m.) Spike Lee is there, looking fly as ever. In a couple of days, he'll be speaking in the Triad. Pretty cool.

(8:24 p.m.) The singers and dancers are here. Dammit!

(8:26 p.m.) I have to say, for Red Carpet coverage, this is turning out to be fairly unimpressive. Regis & co barely spoke to anyone. At the very beginning, Regis said he hosted the first red carpet special 30 years ago and had yet to be invited back until this year. I guess now we understand why. Never thought I would say this, but I miss Ryan Seacrest.

(8:30 p.m.) Darth Vader just took on Spartacus near the Kodak Theatre. My friends the 80th Annual Academy Awards have just begun. Guess it was a good idea to get the Terminator to deliver the awards statue since the declining value of the dollar has made each statue cost $500 to coat in gold.

(8:39 p.m.) Jon Stewart's Opening Monologue - "Welcome to the make-up sex!" - A nice WGA strike joke. "Want to know how Vanity Fair can show respect for the writers? I know, actually invite them to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party!" - An even better joke.
"All I can say is, 'Thank God for teen pregnancy!'"

BTW, Julie Christie is here and she looks as regal as ever.

Regarding Norbit: "I am glad it got nominated because too often the Academy ignores movies that aren't good."

"Withdrawing the Iraq war movies would only embolden the audience! We cannot let the audience win!"

(8:40 p.m.) Gaydolf Titler! Stewart's opening monologue is a massive improvement over his last.

(8:43 p.m.) Best costume design....SCORE ONE FOR JOE! E:2 was a lock for this category, but I'm fairly certain this is the last time the movie will ever be mentioned in public again.

(8:48 p.m.) Clooney introduces the first montage of the evening - a montage dedicated to the Oscars! And people wonder why these things last so long.

(8:52 p.m.) Best animated feature...Steve Carrell's jab at his former Daily Show co-star was sweet....Surf's Up has no chance....Ratatouille wins! I'm 2-0 at this point. This is Brad Bird's 2nd Oscar and his speech is magnificent. Winston-Salem native Dave Park helped make the CGI food in Ratatouille look as tasty as it did in the film. Guess his work paid off.

(8:56 p.m.) Best make-up....Still can't believe Norbit was nominated....La Vie en Rose wins! 3-0. So glad Norbit didn't win, otherwise, whatever channel snatched the broadcast rights can say, 'Coming up, Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy, and Eddie Murphy in the Oscar-Winning film Norbit.'

(8:59 p.m.) Amy Adams sings! This song is insanely creepy without the animal helpers in the movie. Couldn't they have gotten some dancers to play them? It's almost like she's portraying a schizoid instructing animals as they clean her apartment. Still, the actress has good pipes (i.e., her lungs).

"Ah, wasn't this fun?!" No, it was creepy. Speaking of creepy, Catherine Zeta-Jones just admitted she wasn't even born when her husband Michael Douglas won his Oscar.

(9:07 p.m.) Best visual effects.... Guess they don't call Dwayne Johnson ;The Rock' anymore....Could the Cola Bears beat the pirates?....And The Golden Compass won. Well so much for my winning streak. 3-1. Who knew the 'boring vote' held so much clout with the Academy?

(9:10 p.m.) Art direction....Sweeney Todd wins! I am back on track, baby.

(9:14 p.m.) Blanchett played the dog in No Country for Old Men. Wow!

(9:16 p.m.) Best supporting actor….Javier better get ready to win even though Casey Affleck was much better…. And Javier Bardem wins. A great performance, and he thanks the Coens for putting the worst haircut of all time on his head. But in an alternate universe, Casey Affleck has the gold. 5-1, but I would have been glad to lose this one.

(9:22 p.m.) Oscar's salute to binoculars and periscopes! So glad the Writers Strike ended even if we would have gotten a clip from Rushmore.

(9:24 p.m.) The song from August Rush....Mark Burger HATED August Rush, or as they call it in the streets 08-R. So they nominated this over Perl Jam's Guaranteed or any of Sondre Lerche's songs from Dan in Real Life.

(9:28 p.m.) Best foreign short film....Owen Wilson is giving the award....The Motzart of Pick Pockets. I didn't bother guessing with any of these because like everyone else who didn't live in Hollywood, I didn't have a chance to see them.

(9:31 p.m.) Best Animated short....Jerry Seinfeld's Barry B. Benson gives the award. So glad he isn't stewing over not being nominated. Peter and the Wolf wins. The announcer mispronounces Templeton's name.

(9:35 p.m.) Best supporting Actress....This could go any way.... Cate Blanchet has my vote, but Amy Ryan could win....Tilda Swinton wins! Holy crap! Like I said, this one could go any way. Poor girl didn't even think she was going to win - that's the only she would ever be caught dead wearing that dress. Batman and Robin joke was nice. Best acceptance speech of the evening so far. Could this mean Michael Clayton will win for best actor?

(9:44 p.m.) Jessica Alba presented the technical awards.... Funny it seems most of the presenters are people who've only starred in movies that have no chance of winning Oscars. Guess people got to get invited somehow.

(9:46 p.m.) Best adapted screenplay....Josh Brolin apologized for his terrible Nicholson impersonation, and Nicholson forgave him....Joel and Ethan Coen are going to win this....I was right. No Country's 2nd win of the night.
Score: 6-2.
"We've only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy." Way to put Cormac on a pedestal. He deserves it, though.

(9:50 p.m.) They're explaining how the awards are selected, voted upon and selected. Toilet break time.

(9:52 p.m.) Ah, so Miley Cyrus s presenting, not singing. Thank God.

(9:54 p.m.) "Why are all the songs nominated from Enchanted?"
-Pat again.

(10:01 p.m.) Best sound editing.... Dame Judi Dench and Halle Berry are looking kinda rough tonight. Man. Rogen and Hill are hilarious....The Bourne Ultimatum! Damn, I really though No Country for Old Men deserved this.

(10:05 p.m.) Best sound mixing.... Will Kevin O' Connell win his elusive award? Nope Bourne Ultimatum wins. O'Connell loses 20 times!

(10:10 p.m.) Best lead actress....Julie Christie is a lock....I wish Ellen Page was going to win....HOLY HECK! HOLY HECK! HOLY HECK! I ate my words! Marion Cotillard won for La Vie en Rose.

Poor Julie Christie. She's been ditching awards shows all season where she actually won, but now that she showed up for the Academy Awards, she lost.

And did Cotillard just end her speech by saying, "There are ninjas in the city!"?

(10:18 p.m.) Colin Farrell introduces the song from "Once," calling it the 'Little movie that could.' Guess no one told him about Juno. Then again, Once was made for a fraction of any of the nominees this year.

Glen and Marketa drop the least annoying musical performance of the evening so far. Their song so deserves to win.

(10:27 p.m.) Best editing....I chose Into the Wild but Bourne Ultimatum wins! Looks like a clean sweep in the technical categories.

(10:31 p.m.) No baby bump on Nicole Kidman as he gives an honorary award to set designer Robert Boyle. Boyle gets a standing O.

(10:42 p.m.) What is with Jon Stewart's persistent Cher impersonation. Best foreign film....The Counterfeiters win.

(10:45 p.m.) Patrick Dempsey presents the last song from Enchanted. Y'know, with three songs from the movie being nominated, I hope to God all the chances the movie had of winning got split in three directions.

(10:49 p.m.) Best original song....The song from Once got the biggest applause. It could win. ((Fingers crossed)) Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova won! Thank God! Aw man, they cut Marketa off. I wish that instead of editing montages, they could just give each winner 10-15 more seconds to make their acceptance speeches.

(10:57 p.m.) This is amazing, Jon Steward called Marketa back on-stage to make the speech she was unable to make from before. An academy first, and really cool, too. But then why didn't they do that for the technical people?

(10:59 p.m.) Best cinematography....Robert Elswit wins!
Score: 8-6, man, I'm really sucking it up this year.

(11:08 p.m.) Best original score....I am hopeful Atonement will win, and it does. The typewriter percussion work out pretty good for old Marianelli.

(11:13 p.m.) Best short documentary....They've got U.S. soldiers presenting the award. How ironic since three of the five nominees for best feature documentary are against the war. Was this intentional?

(11:15 p.m.) Best documentary feature....Tom Hanks doesn't consider Taxi to the Darkside as an anti-war doc....Taxi to the Darkside wins! Wow, both Michael Moore and the guys who made No End in Sight lost. It looks like the director is fairly certain his movie is anti-war.

(11:23 p.m.) Best original screenplay....Do I eat an entire packet of mayonnaise? Diablo Cody wins! I am saved from mayonnaise. She's kinda nervous with her acceptance speech, but well done. And what supernatural force kept her naughty bits inside that dress.

(11:30 p.m.) I just realized the Academy Awards are whizzing by really was this year. Maybe it had something to do with the lack of interpretive dance numbers.

(11:31 p.m.) Best actor.... Helen Mirren prepares to shout Daniel Day-Lewis' name....Tommy-Lee Jones has been looking kinda weepy all night....Daniel Day-Lewis wins! Mirren even sound surprised. Day-Lewis just called his second Oscar a bludgeon. His characters are so intense, but on stage as Day-Lewis he's so gentle and frail even. It looked like he was leaning on Mirren so she could carry him offstage.

(11:42 p.m.) Best director....Go Marty!...Okay,so the Coens are going to win, and they do! Awesome acceptance speech by Ethan Coen. Joel could probably hurry the heck up.

(11:44 p.m.) Best picture....Denzel is looking sharp....Will Juno win? It got an extra pop from the audience. So did No Country for Old Men. And No Country for Old Men won. What a bummer. It was nice to see Cormac McCarthy stand up and cheer, however. I'm sure he'll probably get to do the same thing in the future when The Road comes out in 2009.

Well that's the awards, gang. I got to hit the hay. Will be taking a busload of children to a trampoline emporium in about seven hours.

(11:48 p.m.) Final score: 12-9.
Time: 3 hours and 18 minutes - shows you how fast the ceremony can be sans interpretive dancing.

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