(
NOTE:The following is not a print review. It was written to be read aloud on tonight's episode of "The Movie Show." )
Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie Bradshaw makes the seemingly logical jump from HBO to the big screen in the film version of the hit show
Sex and the City. And in case you were wondering, Carrie’s friends Samatha, played by Kim Cattral; Charlotte, played by Kristin Davis; and Miranda, played by Cynthia Nixon are along for the ride as well.
Since I’ve yet to see a single episode from start to finish, I won’t pretend to be knowledgeable about the TV show. But I will say the film centers on a quartet of peculiar characters. At the beginning of the film, Carrie states that like most young women, she came to New York in search of the two L’s: Labels and Love, however, it becomes pretty clear in the first twenty minutes that Carrie and her friends’ pursuit of the former oftentimes eradicates any chances that they might have had with the latter.
When Mr. Big - the love of Carrie’s life played by the caddish actor Chris Noth, proposes to her on the eve of having purchased a swank New York apartment, she promises to keep her wedding short and sweet. Of course this is all but impossible for the New York socialite who’s addicted to nice clothes and ridiculous shoes from pricey designers. Two-hundred guest invitations and one ridiculously expensive bridal gown later, the sheer spectacle that Carrie makes of her nuptials gives Mr. Big cold feet on their wedding day.
At this point, all was fairly well with the movie version of
Sex and the City, that is until the movie continued to play on for two more hours, most of which features a severely depressed Carrie on the brink of a great epiphany -- or suicide. As for the other three characters, an indiscretion threatens Miranda’s marriage; adoptive mother Charlotte finds out she could finally be having a baby of her own; and Kim Cattrall’s Samantha, who celebrates her 50th birthday at some point in the film, continues her quest for sexual fulfillment despite the fact that she’s already committed to a younger and absurdly handsome young actor.
As I stated before,
Sex and the City is very long, and plays out like watching half a season of a TV show Back-To-Back, and the characters have a horrible way of constantly re-hashing major plot points via dialogue. So in the end, the question is, “What did you think of the show?” If your answer is ‘I liked it,’ I can’t think of a more fitting way to spend your time in a darkened theater. But if you hate the show, or like me, have had virtually no experience with it whatsoever, you should probably bring the Tylenol, and lots of it.
Price of admission includes:
-Academy Award-winning actress Jennifer Hudson in a role that feels ridiculously token and tacked on considering that she only mingles with Carrie and none of the other characters from the film, only to disappear from her life by the very end of the film.
-A glimpse of Kim Catrall wearing nothing but a buffet of sushi – something that would have no doubt pleased fans of “Big Trouble in Little China” had this scene been filmed twenty years ago.
-And way too many sex scenes featuring completely bald actor Evan Handler, who looks like a combination of a sharpee and a phallus.
For fans of the series, I give
Sex and the City a plus. As for the rest of us, I give it a big, long, seemingly never-ending neutral.
